Toska
by Emorull
Summary: A dull ache of the soul, a sick pining, a spiritual anguish. Something Castiel knows he should not bow to, but he does.


"In my defense," The demon whines, "I was left unsupervised." It purses its mouth prettily at Castiel. "You know I get in trouble when I'm alone and you left anyways. So none of this is my fault." The demon giggles, turning to look out to the main street the alley way connected to. "Look'd'at. Was I an artist?"

"No." Castiel groans, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You had the artistic finesse of a blobfish on a trampoline. _Still do._ " He should not have left the demon so close to humans. He was a very creative demon for starters, grating and sarcastic, who had killed a cotton candy vendor for not giving him the color sugar floss he desired.

Castiel couldn't help it, before he had met the demon he had wandered with a dull ache in his grace, his wings heavy. He had had no desires so he simply continued the Winchester way of ending the things that went bump in the night. He met a demon, dangerous, emotional, amusing, noble, and a killer.

A terribly irritating demon who actually drove him to near suicide somedays.

He glares pointedly at the fiend and clears his throat. The demon shrugs, "Don't give me that look, no one important died." The demon waves at the car crash that litters the street with a trill.

"That was the President."

"Who?"

Castiel looks up to the clear sky for a moment, focusing on its tranquility like he can absorb some. "A very important human leader." He murmurs, lowering his gaze to the demon's black one. "Humans are important, lives are important. We've talked about this, not killing."

"Psshh," The demon waves dismissively, "Humans are a penny a baker's dozen, and you keep your big tootin', highfalutin morals away from me."

Castiel frowns, the demon smiles. "Geez, relax Cassie. Only three people died, and one was really irritating. And stupid, and a hater, actually that's why I did this."

Castiel stands there for a while, the demon spreads his hands expectantly. Castiel sighs, "Why did you kill the irritating human?"

"Cause she said angels aren't real."

Castiel blinks, "Oh?"

The demon nods with a gentle smile, "Yeah, and I said she was wrong, I said I knew one of the best angels in the world and she asked who. So I said 'Castiel, he's my angel', and she called me some bad things so I convinced her to walk into traffic and some idiot veered." The demon snorts, "Obviously someone didn't pay attention in driving ed because veering into heavy traffic to avoid a easy, hittable object is just stupid. Humans." The demon draws the s out in a sigh.

"You were trying to convince a human that I was real?" Castiel doesn't understand why, but that makes him feel… Odd inside, it makes that constant ache in his throat worse and his lungs feel panicky. Like the precious oxygen in the atmosphere is gone.

"Well, yeah?" The demon shrugs, "You're literally an angel plus being figuratively an angel, you put up with me 'cause its heaven's will or whatever. You're a good guy, even I know that."

Castiel takes in a breath, "You still should not have done this."

"Drop it, okay? Demons killing stupid people, it's the natural order. That's reality." The demon frowns, crossing his arms. "Get use to it."

"No, this is not what you are. You are better than this, it is not natural." Castiel grabs the demon's upper arm, "You deserve to be saved." He informs the demon gravelly before teleporting them to a bar.

The demon likes bars.

Oddly, it does not flirt with woman, or even men here. No, its apparent mission is to try and make Castiel drunk. That or feed him odd, eerily greasy food.

"Try it Cassie, trust me. 14 ounces of beef ground to artificial perfection and fried to baconlicious heaven." The demon whole face expands excitedly as Castiel gives it a considering look, it flips the bun open. "There's even lettuce!" It shows the greens off like a crown.

Castiel grunts and takes it silently into his hands.

"Well, eat it?" The demon hovers next to him, extremely close.

Castiel huffs and takes one, large bite. The demon claps, and Castiel is fairly certain it is not even mocking him.

"Why?" He grumbles around the burger in his mouth.

The demon shrugs, "I like it when you eat, and you sort of smile when you eat burgers."

"Oh?" Castiel stares at the burger, "I imagine I do, my vessel has a love for meat."

"But not you?"

"I was not created for such sensations but… Burgers are good." Castiel smiles, a slight mischievous quirk, "It's an acquired taste."

The demon nods, "Yeah, I get it. When I started walking around food didn't taste like anything, just ashes and dust. You know?" Castiel nods. "But I really wanted to taste things so… I did. I was told it's just my human memories telling me what it should taste like though." The demon laughs.

"Memories are important." Castiel murmurs, finishing the burger. He crumples up the wrapper and tucks it in his pocket. "Now what?"

The demon opens it mouth, then shuts it and frowns before speaking. He points over Castiel's shoulder, "Geez Cassie, you never mentioned a pissed off boyfriend."

"Hmm?" Castiel turns in the direction the demon points. "Sam?" He whispers.

"Cas." Sam looks more worn then when they last crossed paths, his hair is unkempt and his eyes hard, some how they harden more as they fall upon the demon. "It's not him Cas." His large hand to his waist; Castiel realizes it falls too more than that. It falls to his knife.

"Sam." Castiel pleads, "Give him a chance, he's very good."

"You mean for a demon, right?" Sam sneers, "Or are you really going to try and lie to my face and tell me he wouldn't and hasn't hurt anyone?" Castiel can hear the pain in Sam's voice that pain tells him Sam still misses who the demon had been.

"No." Castiel croaks.

The demon laughs nervously, "You're gonna let him knife me?" The demons smiles, but it's not a smile, it a nervous upturn of the mouth, a pained exposure of his white, white teeth. "Cas?" Castiel cringes at the use of that nickname from that mouth.

"No?" He offers plaintively. He should let Sam end this.

"No!" Sam taunts, "This isn't him, this is you and your sicking pining Cas. This you trying to get Dean back so you don't feel so shitty, but people are going to get hurt if this doesn't end." Sam hisses. "It's what the real Dean would have wanted."

He knows. He knows he should put this demon down, but he can't. He doesn't want to loose Dean again; he wants to keep him, even if Dean does not remember being Dean. Even though his eyes are black and he doesn't just kill monsters anymore. Even if Sam has abandoned Dean Castiel will not.

The moment Sam takes a step forward with a dark frown on his face Castiel and Dean are long gone.

Castiel will not be losing Dean again.

* * *

So, yep, drabble, drabble!


End file.
